I am told that some people have normal blood sugars but I’ll believe it when I see it.  As far as I can tell, everyone is either too high or too low.

Recently, I saw a lady who was an expert in the latter.  She presented with her third hypoglycemic episode of the day.  EMS was called out each time, where they would find her about as responsive as a tree stump.  She would quickly normalize after getting some D50 run through an IV, and being unable to stomach yet another run to her house the medics finally managed to talk her into being seen in the ER.

I looked up her old records.  She had fourteen visits for hypoglycemia in the past year and a half, managing to simulatenously beckon Death with one hand while staving him off with the other.  Through medicare she had a family doctor, diabetic educator, and home health nurse but despite access to these resources she was unable to grasp basic elements of caring for herself, like knowing the name of her medicine or how to check a glucose level on her own.

I dutifully went through some diabetic educational stuff with her and her daughter and then left her to complete my fancy 21st century medical treatment: dinner.

A short time later the next chart hit the to-be-seen rack with a clunk.  I pulled back the curtain and who was sitting there but the low sugar lady’s daughter, who just five minutes before I had been in a calm discussion with.  Now she was complaining of one week’s worth of right shoulder pain, with a longer history of similar pain on the left treated, so she said, with narcotics by another ER up the road.

No, you can’t have any vicoden.

Speaking of this lady, I know how to solve America’s ER crisis, and all it would take is 25 bucks or so.