Ok people, I sure would appreciate it if you would take the time to read the textbook prior to coming to see me.  Some of you have definitely been slacking of late — like with appendicitis.  If you had read beforehand you’d know you’re supposed to show up with vague abdominal pain beginning at the belly button and later migrating down to the right lower quadrant with development of a low grade fever and some associated vomiting and anorexia.  Your white blood count would be elevated, your urine negative, and your CAT scan confirmatory although maybe we wouldn’t have even gotten one since you presented so freaking classically. (Ha, kidding, who operates without a scan?)

Instead, here’s how the last three patients I’ve diagnosed with appendicitis have presented.

1. Lady in her late 30’s stocks shelves at a local grocery store.  She lifts a heavy box and feels a twinge in her right lower abdomen.  It’s mild but persistent for the next 4 hours so she presents to have it checked out.  No fever, no vomiting, good appetite.  On exam, she’s tender right over McBurney’s point.  Hmm, I tell her, well you’re right it’s probably just a muscle strain but let’s check your blood and urine, give you some toradol, and let you hang out with us for a while.

Urine came back negative, white count was at the upper limits of normal.  Repeat exam was pretty much the same.  Well ma’am, we better run you through the scanner.  Ok, crazy doctor, if you want to get a cat scan of my muscle strain, fine by me.  Back it came as acute appendicitis, and I still don’t think she could believe it even as she was being wheeled to the OR.

2. Guy in his mid 30’s with a day and a half of abdominal pain.  No fever, no vomiting, and had some bacon and pancakes just a couple of hours before showing up.  Exam showed tenderness again right over McBurney’s point.  White count was 6.1 (normal) without a left shift.  Again because of the exam I scanned him, and again it came back as appendicitis.  He reacted just the opposite, he was pretty sure that’s what it was all along.

3. Lady in her early 50’s with 3 hours of abdominal pain, pointing to her left upper quadrant.  She vomited just prior to making the trip to the ER.  No fever, no appetite.  On exam mild tenderness just below her rib cage on the left with no right lower quadrant tenderness.  White count was elevated at 23.  I reexamined her about an hour and a half later, and now she was really tender five centimeters or so above McBurney’s point.  To the scanner she went, and back she came with appendicitis.         

Then some of you read the textbook, more or less, but show up without appendicitis.  Instead you come with gastroenteritis, or mesenteric adenitis, or colitis, or some other nonsense.

Tricky, tricky, appendicitis.